Long time, no blog. Been working on a book, a new website, journaling and trying to keep up with the weddings, funerals and blessings I've been asked to do.
This new year has been one of change. An aging Father who is entering his last months of life. His heart is like an old car engine. It isn't performing as well as the chassis looks from the outside. If you see him, he's frail, smaller and can hardly hear a word. But his beautiful bright blue eyes can flash with love at me and my heart melts. He's with a bunch of oldies in an assisted living place that is like the Taj Mahal! It was the only place we could have him live comfortably. He has good, old friends who live there and tries to socialize as best he could. I know he's waiting for August 3, 2017 when he'll turn 95. He's told me that he can die on August 4th!
It's tough to say that this may be his last year. I've known him for a long time! We've gone through our ups and downs. The last 23 years since Mom died, we have become closer and he depends on me more and more. It doesn't matter what time of day or night, I can get his call and I'm there! It's what I owe him. He did a wonderful job giving me the guidelines for a full, fruitful, courageous life. He taught me well how to give to others, how to extend yourself even though you don't always want to. He was the leader of our gang and we did follow where he led, even though we didn't know it at the time.
When Dad goes, I'll be sad. I'll cry as I am doing now. But I know--I KNOW--he doesn't want to be here in this physical body that is crumbling minute by minute. He said to me recently: "You live too long". When that day comes, I won't agree with him. I'll want to see those blue eyes flashing at me one more time, hear his voice say to me "Love you, baby". Love you, Dad. Happy Father's Day!